Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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