Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Drunk is a universal language darling
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
