he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
