He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
