Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
