so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
