I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
