my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
