my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
