we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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