i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
