I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
