ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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