my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You smell like stripper and shame
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
