is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
