I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
