ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate all girls vehemently.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk is not a location!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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