I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
