if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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