after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
