My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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