Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
