Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
