Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Someone came in the potted fern
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
