Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
