There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
