I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
