i think my tv is drunk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
