The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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