I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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