Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
too bad you live with your parents still
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
