the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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