I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
