I hate your face
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize