A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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