It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
