Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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