Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
