he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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