i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
