Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
