I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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