he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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