I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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