I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
