Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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