im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
