Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
