Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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