Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
