Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
