nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
