So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
