Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
