Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
