what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
