There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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