oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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