Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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