Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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