i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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