so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
