In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize