I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
