This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
