so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
