he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
