Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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