I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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