marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
