Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
