i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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