Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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