i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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