What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
