dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
