Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
