Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
