Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
