Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
