i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
