If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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